My whole life is falling apart

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Oh Sara, I'm so sorry all this is going on now, at a time when you need support more than anything.

Obviously I don't know your dad or any of your family, and only know you from PT, so this is no justification for anyone, just a stab at trying to help you understand.

Obviously divorce is tough on everyone, including the extended family. And you being pregnant on top of it doesn't make it any easier - on anyone. Emotions are obviously running high in your whole family, which is probably what prompted your father to make this revelation at this time.

First of all, the most obvious thing to do from my outsiders point of view is to call your mom and have a good long talk. She said she you should call and ask any questions you want, so don't beat around the bush. Before you call - or better yet, visit in person - make a list of questions. This will keep you focused because things could get quite emotional while you're talking to her, and you might forget a question or two.

Secondly, have a talk with your dad and stepmom. Tell them you love him/them and you want them in your life, but you do not appreciate all the "mom bashing" and ask them to stop that. Tell them you need their support and appreciate their offer to help you out, but the best way they can do that is to stop any and all negativity towards everything including your mom, your divorce, your ability to make it on your own, your status as daughter, etc.

Thirdly, do not ever apologize for bringing your problems to PT. We are all here for you, through good and bad. Sometimes we may not be able to offer advice, but as you are finding by writing your journal, sometimes it just helps so much to just write it all down and get it off your chest.

Fourthly, remember there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm. So like Johanna says.....

Hang in there sweetie, things will get better. {{{hugs}}}

[Kfamr]

Sara, I really wish there was something I could say that would patch things up and make them "perfect" for you. I am at loss of words and I really do wish you the best. Please, although I may not have much to say, if you need anyone to talk to please PM me. BIG {{{HUGS}}} to you...

Kay

[Queen of Poop]

It's not falling apart, but it is certainly giving you a good test. Getting thru this adversity will make you a much stronger person and able to carry on into the future with your baby. Be strong, get what you need from your support system (family), and don't be afraid to get what you can from us here at Pet Talk. Take care dear, know that you are in our hearts/prayers.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

My mom called me at work. Because I sent her an email telling her I couldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do.

She thought it was some of my "pregnant hormones" but. I told her it wasn't that it was because of what dad told me.

She asked if I wanted to talk about it now - and of course I don't .... not at work anyway. I can tell she feels terrible - she didn't want to let me go but really didn't have anything to say. I wish I could get a hug from her right now.

I can't believe this is happeing. I would never in a million years think that this would happen to me. I feel SO DEPRESSED! And it makes it worse knowing I can't just keep it together for the baby. I want to be happy and be healthy for the baby..... but this is really just too much for me right now.

I'm gonna go and look at some pictures of everyones furry kids.... i really need a smile right now.

[JenBKR]

Maybe you need a heart-to-heart with your mom soon and get everything out in the open. Your father and stepmom should not have said that, but there's no use dwelling on that as it is already done. You are such a good person for being such a wonderful daughter to your dad considering all of the hurt he has caused you. I don't know that I would be as gracious as you, it can't be easy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers ((hugs))

[luvofallhorses]

((((hugs)))) I hope things start looking up for you soon!

[mina'smomma]

Sara I sent you a pm hun.

[My Peanuts]

He loves you and you love him. He is your Dad no matter what. Maybe now that this is out in the open your relationship will be better. Maybe subconsciously he was resenting you and now the two of you can get past this. You are pregnant and it might be a good idea for your baby’s sake to find who your real dad is, so you can get some kind of biological history. I really feel for you. My life has been having some pretty bad ups and downs too.

[kuhio98]

I am so sorry that during this emotional time, he felt the need to give you this piece of news. I'm sorry, but it sounds very selfish to me for him to unload this secret he's been carrying right now when you are pregnant. But, maybe there is no good time to get this news. I'm not bashing your parents at all. We are all human and make mistakes. YOU are not a mistake. Your biology doesn't change who you are. Have a long talk with your Mom as soon as possible. Not knowing makes it seem bigger than it actually is. Not to make this about me, but I want to tell you some family history.

All my life, I was told that my grandmother was Cherokee. As a kid, I'd ask her stories about the Cherokee and she was pretty sketchy on details. I studied American Indians in school and was so proud when I told everyone that I was part Cherokee. My grandma passed away at the ripe old age of 92. I went to her funeral and walked the cemetary with my older cousins. I wondered aloud about where our Cherokee relatives were buried. They burst out laughing and told me that grandma wasn't Cherokee, she was African American! She had spent her whole life lying about her heritage and pretending to be something she wasn't. That's a sad way to live. When I told my sister this news she said it changed everything. She said she didn't know who she was anymore. I laughed and told her that it changed nothing. We are the same people we were the day before we found this out. We're still the same silly, goofy, flawed human beings we were before. Nothing had changed.

You haven't changed either. You are still the same loving, sensitive person you've always been. What your parents did or did not do is of no consequence. You haven't changed a bit.

I hope that after you talk to your Mom, you will realize that things happen in life. You can either let them break you or you can learn to roll with the punches. Stay true to yourself. This is a very emotional time for you. I've never been pregnant but I've seen how my friends have been so emotional during their pregnancies. Now is not the time to make life altering decisions. There is plenty of time for that. Rest and relax. Let you Mom bring you over some dinner and sit around and have a good talk.

I hope you feel better soon and realize that this isn't really a bombshell even though it might feel like it right now.

[prechrswife]

I think others here have said things better than I could, but you are in my prayers. Take care of yourself and that precious baby. (((((Hugs)))))

[moosmom]

Your whole life is really just about to explode tenfold with JOY, BLESSINGS, AND LOVE from above. I have a feeling there are several mothers on here that would echo my sentiments.

I echo, I echo!!!!! Wait till the moment they place that precious bundle in your arms and this will all melt away. Although your Dad's timing really sucks, I also think being pregnant, rampant hormones and the stress of the holidays doesn't help matters.

Don't ever feel like you're being a bother because you need to vent. That's what friends are for!!

Sara,

We love you and only want you to be happy. Big HUGS from me and the kits!

Donna

[jazzcat]

Sara, I hadn't heard all your news of late. I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom but I want to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

(((((HUGS)))))

[zippy-kat]

{{hugs}}

Still thinking about ya!

[Cincy'sMom]

I can't add anything that others haven't already said, but I am glad you feel comfortable enough to vent here. Everyone needs an outlet, and sometimes less biased ear to listen. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

[Vio&Juni]

I can only echo what Johanna and Debbie said.