1. Once you're over the hill you pick up speed.
2. I love cooking with wine; sometimes I even put it in the food!
3. If it weren't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all.
4. Whatever hits the fan won't be evenly distributed.
5. I know that God won't give me more than I can handle; I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
6. We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
7. Do you believe in love at first sight...or should I walk by again?
8. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
9. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
10. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
11. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
12. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
13. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
14. For every action, there is an equal and opposite Government program.
15. If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.
16. Bills travel through the mail twice the speed of checks.
17. A balanced diet is a french fry in each hand.
18. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
19. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
20. Junk is something you've kept for years but throw away 3 weeks before you need it.
21. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
22. Experience is a wonderful thing: it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
23. By the time you make ends meet they move the ends!
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the REAL world (how true...how true!).
25. Learn from the mistakes of others; you can't live long enough to make them all yourself!