Well.... Spanish is my first language, so I think I could help...
The poem is fine, but maybe it is a bit confusing (I don't know exactly what you mean, though) It had some little grammar mistakes, but I fixed them. Maybe you could write in English the poem, and I could translate it more exactly...
You should also ask Husky Mom, or Jackie (I think she's spanish) for their opinions...

Quisiera decir, aunque no estoy aqui todavía,
Gracias por los regalos para empezar mi vida
Y gracias de parte de mis padres, tambien
Por todos los regalos, que estan muy bien.
Mi gabinete estaba vacio, mis cosas eran pocas,
Pero todo eso ha cambiado, por Ustedes, les digo muchisimas gracias!