“Willikins, Matthews, and Pouncer, Attorneys At Law”
The sleek, suave and debonair attorney paced in front of his fellow partners, practicing his closing remarks. Juries can be so prejudiced, even in this day and age, that perfect presentation is very important.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client, stands before you today unjustly accused. My honored opponent insists that Oliver’s fur is in the colander. Of COURSE it’s his fur in the colander. He sleeps in the colander every chance he gets. It comforts him. Photos of him sleeping in the colander have been posted on the internet and in calendars in previous years. Now, you may or may not have ever slept in a colander, but I ask you to search your hearts and your beds. I am sure you will find your fur or your hair as the case may be wherever you sleep. My honored opponent may never have slept in a colander, but how can he say that fur in a colander proves that my client ate the pasta? If anything, it proves his innocence. His pet human admitted on this very witness stand to washing the colander before making the pasta salad and confirms that this would have washed away his fur. Examine the photo before you. The colander is metal. When you pour steaming pasta into a metal colander, the colander gets hot. Would you sleep in a metal bed heated to water’s boiling point? I think not, and neither would this cat. So the colander had time to cool down and become a comfortable heat. A warm, soothing nook to escape the pressures of the day. And while Oliver was peacefully asleep in the colander, someone ate the pasta salad! His fur confirms his presence in the kitchen sink, in the colander. But who ate the salad? Ladies and gentlemen, be fair. Can a anyone, much less a cat sleeping in a kitchen be two places at once? Can he be atop a picnic table at a beach a mile away chomping pasta? We know that he can’t. Does this trial demand we prove who chomped the pasta? Recall what the judge said earlier. It does not. We don’t care if his humans ate the salad and are trying to pretend they didn’t. We don’t care if the family dogs helped themselves as their humans frolicked in the waves. We don’t care if passers-by on the beach helped themselves when no one was looking. We don’t even care if a mighty herd of rambunctious punk mice or even monkeys scampered up atop the picnic table and devoured the lot. Even if the very thought of mice or monkeys makes our mouths water, we don’t care. My client is proven innocent by the District Attorney’s own tests and evidence. Let Oliver return to his loving home, the home with humans who even now agree that he is a much wronged fur-baby and beg for his return from captivity. Free Oliver for justice’s sake! But free Oliver.”
Pouncer’s tail slashed as he concluded his heartfelt plea. His partners, Willikins and Matthews applauded vigorously before they came up with helpful tips to improve the stirring and impassioned closing argument. The mouth-watering reference to mice was debated vigorously. Might it be just too distracting with it’s delicious implications?
Most satisfying of all was the realization that Oliver, innocence feline-afied, would be sleeping peacefully in his colander by the end of trial, perhaps as early as tomorrow.
Sleep well, my furry delight, whether you are in a colander or not.
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Fur in the pasta, now fur in the underwear......I sense another law suit looming! 
Brings back fond memories of simpler times...Remember when we were all scrambling to learn how to post one picture?
Originally Posted by tatsxxx11
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