Bedtime Stories ....

[AmberLee]

Once upon a time a long, long time ago, the adventurous furry princess sat by the castle door and when one of the clumsy couriers stepped outside to get the royal mail, she darted out the door to get a bit of freshest of fresh air. She hopped over a puddle and wriggled happily on a dry patch of concrete that had been kissed by the sun. Then she scampered through a big puddle, splishy splashy, splishy splashy – what fun! And strolled under a camellia shrub. Um, doesn’t that smell nice? She nibbled daintily on a bit of groundcover and sashayed behind the bushes to the large bush under her bedroom window. Hmmm, doesn’t THIS smell interesting? The barefoot courier was hopping from foot to foot imploring the dainty majestic wonder to come inside where is was dry. Nope, no sirree bob. It smelled so fresh and invigorating she couldn’t understand why the whole court didn’t refresh themselves under damp bushes. She felt like she could breathe deeply for the first time in weeks. Large grabby hands kept reaching for her, which was indeed a nuiscence, but her lithe nimble body was well able to elude such clumsy attempts. Her precious ears rotated to monitor her grabby partner’s lunges, she explored the undersides of some of the vehicles lining the royal parking area.

“Don’t rub up against anything greasy, leaky, or smelly, your darlingness, or you’ll have to get a bath and you’ll HATE that!”, she was warned. It made good sense, so she quickly scampered back under bush to yelp insults at her royal fuzzy brother. He was having a fit in the window as he watched her cavort. What fun!!!

The royal courier was getting very damp in the drizzle that her royal fuzziness was sheltered from by the bush. Finally the noisy, soggy, complaining grabby courier went back inside the castle. Whew. Now the princess could think! Now she could stretch. Now she could decide what SHE wanted to do for once. So she pondered and pondered for almost a minute. She realized precisely what she longed for, and it was do-able. She marched to the door of the castle and DEMANDED to be let in so she could grab a snack. The naughty courier opened the door and let the royal miss inside. And the courier was relived to have the adventuress home. And her brother was glad she wasn’t in the bush any more. And she was glad to be warm and fed so everybody in the story was happy. Isn’t that nice?

Since everyone is happy, why don’t you relax and get some restful sleep, too, my precious one?

[AmberLee]

“Willikins, Matthews, and Pouncer, Attorneys At Law”

The sleek, suave and debonair attorney paced in front of his fellow partners, practicing his closing remarks. Juries can be so prejudiced, even in this day and age, that perfect presentation is very important.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client, stands before you today unjustly accused. My honored opponent insists that Oliver’s fur is in the colander. Of COURSE it’s his fur in the colander. He sleeps in the colander every chance he gets. It comforts him. Photos of him sleeping in the colander have been posted on the internet and in calendars in previous years. Now, you may or may not have ever slept in a colander, but I ask you to search your hearts and your beds. I am sure you will find your fur or your hair as the case may be wherever you sleep. My honored opponent may never have slept in a colander, but how can he say that fur in a colander proves that my client ate the pasta? If anything, it proves his innocence. His pet human admitted on this very witness stand to washing the colander before making the pasta salad and confirms that this would have washed away his fur. Examine the photo before you. The colander is metal. When you pour steaming pasta into a metal colander, the colander gets hot. Would you sleep in a metal bed heated to water’s boiling point? I think not, and neither would this cat. So the colander had time to cool down and become a comfortable heat. A warm, soothing nook to escape the pressures of the day. And while Oliver was peacefully asleep in the colander, someone ate the pasta salad! His fur confirms his presence in the kitchen sink, in the colander. But who ate the salad? Ladies and gentlemen, be fair. Can a anyone, much less a cat sleeping in a kitchen be two places at once? Can he be atop a picnic table at a beach a mile away chomping pasta? We know that he can’t. Does this trial demand we prove who chomped the pasta? Recall what the judge said earlier. It does not. We don’t care if his humans ate the salad and are trying to pretend they didn’t. We don’t care if the family dogs helped themselves as their humans frolicked in the waves. We don’t care if passers-by on the beach helped themselves when no one was looking. We don’t even care if a mighty herd of rambunctious punk mice or even monkeys scampered up atop the picnic table and devoured the lot. Even if the very thought of mice or monkeys makes our mouths water, we don’t care. My client is proven innocent by the District Attorney’s own tests and evidence. Let Oliver return to his loving home, the home with humans who even now agree that he is a much wronged fur-baby and beg for his return from captivity. Free Oliver for justice’s sake! But free Oliver.”

Pouncer’s tail slashed as he concluded his heartfelt plea. His partners, Willikins and Matthews applauded vigorously before they came up with helpful tips to improve the stirring and impassioned closing argument. The mouth-watering reference to mice was debated vigorously. Might it be just too distracting with it’s delicious implications?

Most satisfying of all was the realization that Oliver, innocence feline-afied, would be sleeping peacefully in his colander by the end of trial, perhaps as early as tomorrow.

Sleep well, my furry delight, whether you are in a colander or not.

[Killearn Kitties]

Oh Pouncer, you are so eloquent!! *sniff* Oliver will be so grateful!

[AmberLee]

Thanks! ;-)

[tatsxxx11]

Ahhhhhh! Noooooooooooo!!! You remember the collander??? I can hardly type, blew my coffee up my nose! You are a hoot, Amber! Oliver, come read!!!





And how about the DRYER?????????? WHERE HE ACTUALLY TOOK A SPIN FOR SEVERAL SECONDS! Fur in the pasta, now fur in the underwear......I sense another law suit looming!

[Corinna]

Now this is the old pet talk how have we changed so much. This and the Klam Jusse were just great things. Thanks for reviving this thread ladies.

[tatsxxx11]

You're right Corinna!!! Brings back fond memories of simpler times...Remember when we were all scrambling to learn how to post one picture? And no digital cameras! lol What hasn't changed is my kitchen sadly, which could use an overhaul!

[Killearn Kitties]

Is that really Oliver?? What - THE Oliver? Livvy's Knight in Furry Armour. I've never seen him before. He is adorably cuddly-looking.

[tatsxxx11]

Thanks KK! Yup, THE Oliver, the one and only! Oh, I'm a proud Mom for sure but he IS the sweetest, most squishable, lovable, gentlest of souls! Loves EVERYONE, EVERY THING, skinned, furry, feathered...follows the dogs everywhere, trys to follow them out the door to play () sleeps curled up in Star's belly, even snuggles with the guinea pigs, washing them! lol At the vet's, he proudly marches out of his port-a-prison, jumps up onto the examing table and plops right down on the table scale and starts purrring Everyone loves Ollie! He really is a doll baby!