My step Dad comitted suicide in the early 80's. Mama stayed mad at him to the day she died. I know the pain of surviving a loved ones suicide and all the emotions you go through so you DO have my deepest sympathy and support!

TRY to always remember, if he was going to do it, there is NO WAY any one could have stopped him, he would have did that job, no matter what. It had NOTHING to do with YOU but as Corinna said, it is more about what is going on in his own head. I feel like anyone in their right mind would do anything like that and God will not hold it against them if their mind was sick. My money is on, he is in heaven and will know his grandkids and watch over them!