It was 6 months ago today...

[Glacier]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for what your your Dad has lost. He will be missing out on some wonderful things with you and your child!

I have lost three extended family members to suicide. It's a whole different kind of grief from a natural or accidental death. Six months is still a very recent loss. Be gentle with yourself.

[finn's mom]

I've not lost family that way, but, I've lost friends to suicide, and, everything you're feeling is normal. I don't think it ever becomes not confusing, why someone would feel that lost. Six months, as Glacier has already said, is so very recent, and, you will know how to handle it when the time comes to explain it to your child.

[4 Dog Mother]

The coroner has ruled my son's death a suicide too. We aren't sure though -he had been having trouble sleeping for some time now and he had taken to many sleeping pills. We think it may have been an accident. However, our emotions too are all over the place. Why didn't he go to see a doctor? He had been a little depressed and there is depression in the family. I had encouraged him to go and talk to a doctor and maybe feel better on a medication. But he did neither of those things.

It is normal and okay to feel all the things you are feeling. Rob's only been dead 3 months so I do know exactly what you are feeling. He will never see his beautiful neice Jasmine grow up, he will never have children of his own.

The only thing I do know is that suicide is an irrational act and often an impulsive one. The pain is so great that they can't see beyond it. They feel they have no worth to anyone and everyone would be better off without them. In today's world we all know the pain of dying from cancer, other illnesses because we know physical pain from our own experiences. But I think we need to remember that those who commit suicide are in a deep emotional pain that may be worse than any physical pain could be.

Be easy on yourself. This is not something you will "get over". Hopefully we will both find a way to live with it so that everyday the pain is not so great.
You can still tell your child that their grandfather loved him. I am sure he does even if he can't be here for them. His love will come down from Heaven especially if you help him/her to know your father through pictures and memories. I will keep you and your family in prayer.

[Lobodeb]

It's a whole different kind of grief from a natural or accidental death. Six months is still a very recent loss. Be gentle with yourself.

Ain't that the truth?! I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy (if I had one).

Thank you.

I don't think it ever becomes not confusing, why someone would feel that lost..

I only wish I understood.

Your baby will have a grandpa, it's just that he's a grandpa baby won't get to meet. Baby will hear stories of grandpa, and know him through pictures and stories.

And your baby will have Pet Talk uncles and Grandpas to make up for it, too, okay?

Now, back to you. We will be here for you, the first year is awful, especially after a suicide. Every holiday seems to bring fresh reminders, questions and anger. But we'll be here for you, even when you just need to cry, or to vent.

We love you!

Thank you! Really. This is why I love PT. You are the nicest people I've never met (face to face, of course).

We think it may have been an accident.

Unfortunately, we know that this is what he intended to do. He wrote a note, went to speak with a priest to be obsolved of all his sins, then rigged the garage door shut so no one would be able to get to him. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning. He knew exactly what he was doing.

God bless you and your family as well as I know what you all are going through. Also, thank you for sharing Rob's story.

Daisy & Deliliah, Casey's mom, Beenie's mom, Ginger's mom: Thank you. Your support means so much to me.

Corrina, thank you so much for sharing that very personal time of your life with me to help me with my grief. It does help me to understand. I, personally, have never had depression, thank God, so I have that much more difficulty understanding it. Hearing your perspective really helps me see what might have been going on inside his head.

luvofallhorses, JenBKR, moosmom and Laura's babies, thank you, too, for your prayers and support.

Maltese_Love, yes, your words do have an impact. I felt so much better after reading how many people are willing to send prayers and hugs my way in my time of need.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I feel so blessed to have found PT and even moreso that everyone here has welcomed me the way they have.

THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.