Did I do the right thing? (Advice needed)

**Cataholic** · 11-04-2005, 09:14 AM

Wow. Hate to weigh in as the minority here...but, I wouldn't have EVER said anything to a boss, etc. This guy will get in serious trouble, probably, for something I bet wasn't meant at all.

Now, I am NOT saying sexually offensive jokes have their place in the workplace, but, sheesh, it might have been an 'innocent' but, inappropriate, comment.

I would have sent an email back and said, "uh, I bet you didn't mean to offend me, but, you did. I don't talk like that, email like that, and would prefer if you left me out of that sort of stuff".

Of course, if he continued to be like that with you, I would have said something to someone.

**caseysmom** · 11-04-2005, 09:24 AM

I 100 percent think you did the right thing. I am actually more offended by his racial slur than anything, what a racist bigoted pig. I have never heard the slang he said to you but it was obviously derogatory to you and to african americans.

**elizabethann** · 11-04-2005, 09:55 AM

I think you did the right thing.

Did your boss talk to this co-worker yet about the situation? I'm thinking he may get a warning of some kind. He may get a verbal warning or a written warning. Heck, he may even get fired. I like to joke around with my co-workers and we can push it pretty far. But it sounds like that guy went too far and crossed the line.

He has to learn he can't say things like that. It's inappropriate. And the fact he wrote it in an email? He's dumb, for sure.

**Samantha Puppy** · 11-04-2005, 09:57 AM

Well I just found out that about a month after he began here (December '04), he was given a warning because he said something that offended another coworker. I also found out that his previous job was contractual and that it wasn't renewed because his old coworkers had such an issue with him saying inappropriate things. So this is definitely not a new thing with him.

Cataholic, I don't think it was meant maliciously but given his history of saying stupid things (some of which I was aware, some of which I wasn't until just now), he's got to learn what sort of behavior is appropriate in the workplace. He doesn't know me well. The e-mail between us leading up to that comment wasn't provocative in nature at all which makes the comment even worse - it came out of left field. That takes a little bit of the innocence out of it for me... As I mentioned before, this guy and I are not friends. If he has the gall to say something like that to me, what's to stop him from saying something like that to a coworker from another office or worse yet, a client?

I am not a nasty or malicious person. I hate confrontation. If I had a position in this company that allowed me to remove myself from certain people's company, that would've been my course of action. But I can't do that - I'm the administrative assistant and my job is to assist everyone. I really didn't see any other route to take...

**moosmom** · 11-04-2005, 10:40 AM

I'm the administrative assistant and my job is to assist everyone. I really didn't see any other route to take

With all due respect, given this guy's history, you do NOT need to explain or apologize for the way you handled it. I admire you for keeping your cool through it all. I wouldn't have been as nice.

**finn's mom** · 11-04-2005, 10:59 AM

Jaime, you did the right thing. If this was the first time he'd said sexual, inappropriate things at the workplace, I'd see maybe not taking it to the boss. He's already been warned, though, and, it hasn't improved. I hope he learns his lesson, either way.

**Corinna** · 11-04-2005, 11:09 AM

You did the right thing Me I would have made the biggest stink and screaming fit. I don't put up with that crap at all. I would have been so mad that &$it would have hit the fan and EVERYONE in the office would have know this guy was the biggest loser I'd ever met. But thats me.I tend to be reactive on a spark.
I think you did what was right for your office protocal and you have nothing to feel bad about.

**kuhio98** · 11-04-2005, 11:10 AM

Okay, I'm totally clueless because I don't know what 'izzle and the purple mule are. You didn't do anything wrong. But, I've always found it best in the long run to go directly to the person first and let them know that you are offended and to cut it out and if they don't, you will then go to the boss.

**Samantha Puppy** · 11-04-2005, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by kuhio98

Okay, I'm totally clueless because I don't know what 'izzle and the purple mule are. You didn't do anything wrong. But, I've always found it best in the long run to go directly to the person first and let them know that you are offended and to cut it out and if they don't, you will then go to the boss.

"-izzle talk" is something Snoop Dogg came up with (I think it was him, anyway). For instance, if someone said "Fo' shizzle", it means 'for sure'. If someone said "I'll meet you at my hizzle", that means house. From what I understand, the words can change - hizzle doesn't have to mean just house, it changes based on whatever you're saying. That's about the best I can describe it. Needless to say I don't "understand" much more than that about the whole slang, so asking me to translate it was just odd to begin with.

"Purple mule" is a (raunchy, inappropriate, offensive) term for penis.

**JenBKR** · 11-04-2005, 11:10 AM

I'm with everyone else - you did the right thing. We just had a meeting on harassment at work - you did exactly what you are supposed to do. Don't feel bad at all. Had nothing been said, he would have continued acting like a pig to you and others. I doubt that he will get fired (although this is not his first incident..) but it is out of your hands now. Don't obsese over it. Good job.

P.S. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!