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25 THINGS FOR DOGS TO REMEMBER

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the 'fridge or sofa, or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater off of my coat before entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead or decaying mammals, fish or fowl just because I like the way they smell.

9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.

10. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

11. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

12. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my owners will think I am hemorrhaging.

13. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

14. Even though we have a doorbell, I will not bark each time I hear one on television.

15. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

16. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

17. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

18. I will not bite the state trooper's hand when he reaches in for Dad's license and car registration.

19. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

20. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage.

21. I will not "roll around in the dirt" after getting a bath.

22. I will not belch or sneeze at my owner while sleeping in their bed.

23. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

24. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

25. The cat is not a squeaky toy... So when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.