Why couldn't you and your hubby (or your mom) plan an informal party where the guests bring a dish or pizza or whatever they want to bring. Cost wouldn't be an issue AND you'd get to gather with the people who make YOU feel comfortable and secure I'm sure the people and family who know you well already know that you don't want a formal, structured 'event', and they would be more than happy to go with the flow to do what would be in your best interests. Most modern 'showers' include the father-to-be anyway, so why not invite the guys, too? If there are more than 2 or 3, they wouldn't feel out of place.

I know if -I- were your friend, I would want what YOU wanted and wouldn't deliberately do the opposite of what you preferred.

You could even invite the dreaded MIL; even if she didn't show up, YOU would have made the gesture of friendship and family peace.

Just a thought.