I hate my MIL!!!!

[CathyBogart]

Good for you for getting the situation fixed...it sounds like what you did is the best that you could given all of the options. Best of luck... *Hands you an umbrella for when the fireworks start)

[Oggyflute]

For what it's worth Jamie, you should do what you want to do. It's your life mate, the quicker your MIL realises this, the better for all concerned.

[orangemm]

Why couldn't you and your hubby (or your mom) plan an informal party where the guests bring a dish or pizza or whatever they want to bring. Cost wouldn't be an issue AND you'd get to gather with the people who make YOU feel comfortable and secure I'm sure the people and family who know you well already know that you don't want a formal, structured 'event', and they would be more than happy to go with the flow to do what would be in your best interests. Most modern 'showers' include the father-to-be anyway, so why not invite the guys, too? If there are more than 2 or 3, they wouldn't feel out of place.

I know if -I- were your friend, I would want what YOU wanted and wouldn't deliberately do the opposite of what you preferred.

You could even invite the dreaded MIL; even if she didn't show up, YOU would have made the gesture of friendship and family peace.

Just a thought.

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Jaime, I havent got any advice for you - just wanted to send you a big (((HUG))) - this pregnancy is YOU and hubby's special time, and it's not fair that it is being messed up by other people.

Stay strong and stand up to the MIL!

[Samantha Puppy]

Regarding Josh - he's not NOT supporting me. He actually hasn't spoken to his mother and had to stand up for me yet. No one's heard from her. But he and I talked last night and while he doesn't agree with my decision, he did say "... if that's what you want..." So if he DOES hear from his mom, he'll back me up.

As for me, I'm taking a step back. I realized this morning that I was basing all my reactions off of 3rd party information. I don't know if my MIL misrepresented the party to my friend, leading her to believe it'd be a classic shower but with guys and for her to ask if they would be interested in it OR if my oldest and dearest friends were told correctly that it was just an average party (no games, no themes, etc.) in honor of Josh and I and that they really did say they wouldn't come. So I've contacted my friend to ask exactly what my MIL said to her so I know whether or not to really hate MIL for manipulating things to get her way or if my friends really aren't so great after all. I'm waiting to hear back from her about it before addressing who needs to be addressed.

Regardless of whether it's my MIL or my friends, someone WILL get a talking to. If it's MIL, my mom and I will have our own party - the way Josh and I wanted. If it's my friends, I would be far too hurt and letdown to just ignore it and let it go, so they'll hear something from me. But we'll wait and see.

It's just so sad that all I wanted was an evening to look back on when all of our friends and families got together to celebrate the impending arrival of our firstborn son. I won't have any memory like that to remember or to tell Nug about, because either his paternal grandmother was a manipulative bitch who would go to pretty good lengths to get HER way OR that his mommy's and daddy's friends just didn't care enough about them to want to share in the occasion. You know, if I'd been asking for a massive destination party in NYC or Florida or Vegas or something like that, I can totally understand people not being interested in coming. But this was JUST a party. Like a birthday party or a graduation party. People go to those. Why not a party to celebrate us getting ready for our impending baby?

[Logan]

I have been following this and absorbing it all. I simply cannot imagine trying to dictate to someone who is offering to give a party, on what terms they can give it. Jaime, I know this is a sensitive issue for you, but maybe there should be two parties. Baby showers are fun and you get great stuff. My thought is that you would be the one to provide the invitation list, anyway, but you can't really try and tell your MIL how to do it. It's her party, in honor of you. If you want to have a get together with your friends in a different manner, do it seperately, throw the party yourself, or with your mother's help, and make sure you indicate to the guests what your wishes are for food or gifts.

I hope you can try to lighten up a little bit on your MIL and keep peace. "Hate" is a strong word and this is your husband's mother and the grandmother of your child. She sounds like an overbearing woman. I have a mother like that, so my husband endures some of the same stuff you're dealing with. Both of the MIL that I have had (2 marriages) are exactly the opposite! Very unassuming, loving women.

Just try to make the best out of the situation and apprecaite the fact that someone is trying to do something nice for you and your baby!

I wish you the best. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and any stress that Mom is feeling is going to be felt by that baby, too. Try and relax and enjoy this time, even if everything is not exactly as you would like it to be.

Logan

[Samantha Puppy]

But she underminded my mother in what she's done. MY MOTHER was the one to decide to have a party for me. Because my MIL felt oh-so-excluded from my bridal shower (thrown for me by my best friend), my mom thought it'd be nice to include her as a co-host. But MIL took the co- part, threw it out the window, and took over! MY MOM knows me best and wanted to give me a party that I would feel comfortable with. MIL is the one who took it upon herself to contact my friend - without my mother's knowledge - and misrepresent the party so that my guy friends would say they didn't want to come (or at least, I'm 99.9% sure that's what happened). Either way, my mom told my MIL what she wanted to do for us and instead of saying, "That's not what I had in mind - thanks for asking, but I'll do my own thing for them" she just tried to take over. I'm sorry, but any way you look at it, that isn't right.

And let me reiterate - my mom sat down with me and said she wanted to do something for the baby, Josh and me. She *asked* what I wanted, so I spoke with Josh and we decided that what best fit us was just a party with all of our friends and family there. I would never just up and dictate what I wanted - I was asked...