Michelle,
I can understand what you are going through to some extent because I felt the same way about Disney. The options the doctor gave us were not the best so I chose the one that caused Disney less pain and ended her suffering. I still feel very guilty that I didn't try harder but deep down I know I did the right thing for her. You did the right thing for Lilith.

I've been thinking about you a lot, knowing how badly you are hurting. I don't believe the pain ever goes completely away but it does get easier, slowly.

(((HUGS)))