It's easy! Instructions below.........



Pilling Cats:
1. Cradle cat in crook of left arm. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply presure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop in pill and allow cat to swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take fresh pill, cradle cat, holding rear paws lightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously for 30 to 40 seconds.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from underneathe armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow pill down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pills are not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take the taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Throw away pieces of towel.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, leaving head showing. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch, pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Put on heavy-duty pruning gloves. Push last pill into cat's mouth followed by large piece of steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat. Pray vigorously.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room and sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat. Call pet store to see if they have any hamsters left
Dogs
1. Wrap pill in bacon and offer to dog.