Hahaha, this almost seems to be a spoof. Some of these "warning signs" are such a joke

-Complains of boredom.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

^that describes every teenager I have EVER known!!!

But the best of all of them is...
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.