Oh Stef, I wish I could personally give you a hug. When it rains it pours. The past 5 years have been havoc on me too, so I feel your pain. I try so hard to take one day at a time. It's so heartbreaking when people we love are so ill and we feel so helpless. As awful as I felt, it helped to give them love and support. I guess I'm opposite of most people. I believe there are many helpful medications out there. As much as I hesitated, I finally agreed to take Zoloft before I would crack. It doesn't take the "pain" away, but certainly helps me think more rationally. Anyway, even though you don't know me as well as others, feel free to PM or email me if you need a shoulder to cry on. Blessings on you, babe.