Part 2

I will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am thirsty
after sitting in my water bowl.
I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and
singe my butt.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is
something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human
has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before
it dissolves in boiling coffee.
Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them.
When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead,
I will not bite own on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares
my human.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the
house. It is not necessary to check every door.
Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not
knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird
feeder (with my tail hanging out one side) and expect
the birds to just fly in.
I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.
The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see
me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash
into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a
personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There
have been for several years. I don't have to act as if I've just
discovered the Demon Horror of the Universe each time
one of them appears in my window.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people
are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these
days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air
and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on
the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms
are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my
lovely tail.
I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need
my help installing a new board in her computer.
I will not bring the city police to the front door by
stepping on the speaker phone button and then the
automatic 911 dial button.
I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.
I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing
important emio gnaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.
Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters) stay in the house
and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside.
I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding
a frog to put in the fish tank.
I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next door. They have
sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren't laughing so hard.