Carl and I have been married 33 years and I feel we have a happy marriage. It hasn't been all happy but I doubt there is any relationship that is perfect - mother/daughter, friends, spouses.

I think the one thing that few people realize is that marriage takes work. Each day you are changing and your spouse is changing. Also having worked marriage enounter weekends etc. we have learned there is a honeymoon stage of marriage and a disillusionment stage of marriage. Mostly because we want to believe in happily ever after. But you have things that will rub your spouse the wrong way and he will have things that will rub you the wrong way. But what really matters is the love that you share.

One of the priests who we worked with shared a song that was "Love isn't a feeling, it's an act of your will." Sometimes you don't feel like loving anymore but if you hang in there, and work on your relationship, those feelings will come back. Marriage is a commitment, one that our society today uses in the same way they use anything else. If it isn't good anymore, throw it away. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you change partners, you only change the problems you have with him for others with the new person.

Our marriage has had its share of problems. Carl lost both parents and both of his maternal grandparents while he was in the Army and we were living in Arizona in the first 18 months of our marriage. It took me a long time to realize the impact that had on our marriage.

I have had a lot of health problems especially when our children were younger. Carl was going to school and working two jobs so there was a lot of stress in our marriage during that time.

And about 3 years ago we both lost our jobs and spent a year without work. Then he took a job in Florida and we lived separately for 18 months until he was laid off again (he was fairly certain he would be which is why we didn't relocate.)

I have to say that I think going to the Marriage Encounter weekend, becoming involved at Church and realizing that we did need to work on the marriage is what saved our marriage.

PM me if you want.