Originally posted by Lady's Human
ROFL

I wish I could find the computer help line log I had in my email a while ago, it's not just tourists who are dumb...
This may be the one?


Hello Help Line

Help: "Help Line; may I help you?"

User: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Help: "What sort of trouble?"

User: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Help: "Went away?'

User: "They disappeared."

Help: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

User: "Nothing."

Help: "Nothing?"

User: "It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type."

Help: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

User: "How do I tell?"

Help: "Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"

User: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Help: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

User: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Help: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?'

User: "What's a monitor?"

Help: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

User: "I don't know."

Help: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

User: "Yes, I think so."

Help: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

User: "[pause] Yes, it is."

Help: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

User: "No."

Help: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

User: "[pause] Okay, here it is."

Help: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

User: "I can't reach."

Help: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

User: "No."

Help: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

User: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark."

Help: "Dark?"

User: "Yes. The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Help: "Well, turn on the office light then."

User: "I can't."

Help: "No? Why not?"

User: "Because there's a power outage."

Help: "A power [pause] A power outage? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

User: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Help: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

User: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Help: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

User: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Help: "Tell them you're too [insert expletive here] stupid to own a computer."