I understand what you are saying Jennifer, and to be honest if my Mom were to show up (I see her perhaps once a year), and pulled out a cigar while in my house, I would not say anything. She's my mom, and I see her so rarely. That situation would just be different for me. I would still have difficulty telling my mom or grandma what they could or couldn't do in my home . It's all about perspective and the situation to a large degree. If I were having a gathering of local friends or my brothers/sisters-in law over and they started breaking out cigarettes in the house, I probably would ask them to smoke outside.

I should say, Grandma is a clean freak but she also has that old mentality that dogs belong outdoors unless they are small toy breeds. She doesn't hate dogs and she compliments them highly, but she just doesn't like them in her home. If I were to travel all the way to MO though and visit with her, they'd either have to be allowed in or I'd have to stay in a motel or something, I couldn't leave them out overnight, especially in a strange place.

It's very interesting to see the different viewpoints here. In the case of the cabin being co-owned, if it were me I would talk to my parents and see if they couldn't work something out. If not, there wouldn't be a lot you could do other than be with him as much as you could, leave him home, or if you had the option to not go yourself.