Kim, I can see that Lizbud meant the biological mother. And she is probably refering to Grant's inability to discipline (which in its own way, IS emotionally distant).

Persoanlly, I think you are doing just about everything RIGHT! But If Grant (as the father and biological parent) won't do his part, your part will NEVER be looked upon as anything but cruelty.

You NEED to get this through to him. THAT is where you should be focusing your energy (and anger).