I thought I'd look at PT to get my mind off things, and was surprised to see this thread. Thanks so much, Pam.
Have not slept since Thursday. Thank God, for my parents' infinite wisdom by prearranging all details years in advance to take the burden off my brother and I. Except for phone calls and some minor things, we've been walking around in a daze all day. None of us can seem to settle down for long. Sweet Klo in HER infinite canine wisdom has determined that I need her constant attention and companionship, complete with snuggles and whimpers and loving stares. Quite amazing and beautiful. It easily starts me crying again. My little darling.
In an effort to comfort my mother in her last agonizing moments, I bent over her and pulled a muscle in my hip and injured my back. It took me over an hour to realize I couldn't stand up, even with a walker. That said, I no longer give a hoot about my obsession with keeping the house clean and ready for her return, cooking or caring for anyone else but myself so I can try to heal physically, emotionally and mentally. I will talk to my lawyer regarding my mother's inept nursing home care during the last 2 weeks. Her time may have been up, but her last few days of torment could have been avoided. I will reclaim her dignity if it's the last thing I do.
After 54 years of being with her, my mind only repeats her last few minutes. It's like a nightmare. I will need counseling. She was doing okay before I had my surgery. She was so concerned. She will never get to physically see me well again.
Thank God we always, always, in our family ended our days with kisses and I love you. We had our moments but were quite a team. I'll never be the same.