I wish your husband took me with him when he left.


If I had hands I'd strangle you.


What is wrong with you. Seriously. Did you not get enough love as a child? Is your world so completely devoid of meaning that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking? I hope the house gets burgled tonight.


Remember this moment when I pee on your Persian rug tonight.


What am I wearing? Am I a picnic table? A waitress?


I wonder how many of these I have to slip into her water to end the torment.


Could someone out there please have my owner put to sleep?


Very funny. You come up with that yourself?


Look, I'm barely a dog. I have enough identity issues without you dressing me up as a cheetah.


You are ruining what self-esteem I have left.


And I thought the bunny suit was bad... What am I now? A Dogglebee? Please stop. Please.


Dang it. How am I going to get a girl when I look like I'm being strangled by a cartoon cat?