The dreaded weight subject

I am extrememly overweight....obese is the exact word. I look awful, feel awful, am always uncomfortable and never feel good about myself. Can you say low self-esteem? Thats me! I have been laughed at, pointed at, mooed at, oinked at and have had little kids point and say look at the fat lady mommy. Its not fun being me and being at this weight. Why don't I do something about it? I don't know. I have spent all kinds of money trying to lose weight, trying to feel better about myself. It never works. I know its mind over matter. Why am I not willing to do something about it? When will I be ready? What is my problem? I wish I could answer all these questions. I lost weight once. 125 pounds. I felt so much better. I was still considered overweight though...lol. I thought I looked good though. I starved myself to lose that weight. I worked out like crazy. I don't know what happened. I've almost gained it all back now. I am a loser. I am fat and ugly..lol. That is how I feel about myself most of the time. Can you say depressed?!...lol. Yeah, thats me! What is really worse for me is I was treated so much different after I lost that weight. Now its almost like people want nothing to do with me and they definitely don't care what I might have to say. Talking on here is easy but it is so much harder in real life.

Sorry for going on so much.