You really are having a very sad unfortunate time this week, it's all come at once. I can sense your overwhelm and misery. I am so sad for you. If it should come to you helping her across the RB with the vet, would you feel better if it was at home? I had to make a similar decision once, the cost became immaterial, the cost to the emotions (hers and mine)was what counted. There will come a time when your heart will tell you what is right for you and for Peeka, right now I guess it's the dilemma stage -just holding her and cuddling her at the vets sounds good right now. Be strong, we are all here for you. Being able to cry is what keeps us strong. Stay in touch if you feel able. Best wishes.