Jewel's Last Good Bye

[jennifert9]

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault...I'm so sad for you that you feel so horrible over all this. I don't know how long ago it was...? But it's not your fault. I know that I myself have let Duncan off leash many times in unfenced areas. The whole time, I think to myself " If something happens to him, what would I do? It would be my fault!" I have let him out to pee off leash before thinking, "oh it's only a minute, what could happen?" It's human nature and you are NOT to blame. I'm so so sorry you feel this way...Do not let it eat you up inside...
My childhood dog Bandit had hip dysplasia, a terrible case of it. But that was the 70s and he was a product of 2 neighborhood dogs and who knew? He lived with us for 10 years. His front legs were twice the size of his back legs. We just thought he was a mutt you know, different characteristics of each dog. I don't even know if hip dysplasia was even common knowledge then like it is now. He never seemed to be in pain, seemed to be the happiest dog in the world and I think he really was! He wouldn't eat dog food so he ate whatever we had for dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs was his favoite and he would have a red beard by the end of dinner! Towards the end of his life, my mother cooked special meals for him every day, a special diet the vet put him on. She spent all day Sunday cooking for the dog. She even seasoned it b'cuz she felt bad! Talk about family member! So one day when I was 21, my parents were at the neighbors and I came home and Bandit was missing. (No leash @ this point, he could hardly walk, he was 10) I found him at the neighbor's house where my parents were. We had to carry him home. We put him to sleep that evening. (There is more to the story that I can't tell right now) My brother and sister never got to say goodbye. It was OUR fault that he had to die the way he did...but let me tell you, he was HAPPY! On the way to the vet's, my mother and I sat with him and fed him Oreo cookies, his VERY favorite food all the way. He knew, we knew and it was all good.
I'm telling you this story because I know how you feel. It took me years to get over my feeling of failure and of letting my dog down. But I have realized that I didn't. I'm sure he felt as blessed to live with us for 10 years as we did with him. That was over 13 years ago and it feels like yesterday...
You did what you could, accidents happen. Forgive yourself, Jewel has.