Calling all Grammy's Turned Secondhand Mommy! HELP!

[kuhio98]

My opinion ~ feel free to disregard since I've never raised a child (unless you count Kuhio)

Do not deny your daughter the opportunity to fail. Haven't we all learned invaluable lessons when our lack of planning turned into a disaster? Unless you are allowed to make those mistakes, you never learn the lessons. You never learn to recover from your bad decisions. Digging yourself out of your own mess gives you confidence in your abilities. Do not deny her a chance to learn these lessons.

I know your heart is in the right place. You don't want Jenna to pay for Amy Beth's lack of judgement. That will be very hard (if not impossible) to watch. But, unless Jenna's life is in danger, I wouldn't step in and rescue Amy Beth from anything. It will only delay her maturity further and she'll resent you in the long run. Did anyone step between you and Amy Beth when she was a baby if you were in danger of losing it? Or did you learn to take a moment until you calmed down?

I'd let her bills pile up. I'd stop reminding her about her drivers license. And I wouldn't bail her out when she gets pulled over for driving without a license. (Try to refrain from saying "I told you so" when it happens ~ but I'd be saying it my head. ) Maybe that's what it will take for her to begin maturing.

Are there any parenting classes she might take? Perhaps a group of young women in her same situation could help her see that she needs to change and develop for herself and for Jenna's future.

It's called tough love. Some people don't learn unless they get into a bad situation. They never learn if someone bails them out of it every time.

My brother has a similar story. He's 41 and still lives with Mommy. He will never leave. He does not have the skills and confidence to make it on his own. He never developed them. He never had to. You don't want that to happen with Amy Beth. She needs to learn confidence and independence. Even if that means that you don't see her or Jenna as much. They will be happier people in the long run.

My 2 cents. Easy for me to say since I've never raised children and I live thousands of miles away.

Kim, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.