The loved ones of Alzheimer's patients
Mourn many deaths, many small, heart-shaking griefs.

When first the diagnosis comes,
We hear that dreaded word, we mourn
The loss of hope for recovery
Knowing what has been lost is now forever gone
We mourn, we grieve, we think “I'm coping."

Next grief that strikes us unexpectedly
Is when they no longer know us as ourselves
They try out names - of a long-past brother, sister, even parent
And we cry inside - our own selves are gone from them forever
And though we know it shouldn't hurt
It is another little death, and
We mourn, we grieve, we think “I can handle this."


We mourn anew as the disease progresses
As bit by precious bit we lose a once-vibrant person
The spark slips further away
And soon we are strangers
No one at all,
And we mourn, we miss them
Though they are right there in front of us.
We mourn conversation, laughter, smiles
We remember, but they do not
We mourn, we cry, we think “I'm okay, I can do this."

And when we thought our mourning was done,
Exhausted
Past
We hear "hospice" or a "matter of months-weeks-days"
And grief breaks afresh
We mourn, we cry, we wait for the end, heart-sick, numb.

So we think, anyway.

And then the phone call comes
And it's over
And all the previous mourning is for naught
Because saying good-bye, even to a shell
It was still someone our hearts know
And grief and relief come in alternate waves
Crashing together, breaking over us
It's over
My God,
It's over.

And at last the mourning
That we thought we had done
Begins for the last time

And we know the grief, at last
Is the last
And a new angel smiles down to comfort us
As we cry.


Terry, remember, love lives on. Our prayers are with you.