EssTer, I'm so sorry about Buddy but please don't give up hope. I just pray that some kind soul has taken him in and he's been well looked after.
You are NOT a bad Meowmie. These things just happen sometimes and you've gotten some really good advice here. Please keep us updated.
{{{HUGS}}}
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand and strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming WOO HOO - What a Ride!
--unknown
Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see
--Polar Express
Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened.
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