O.K. The problems you are having with time and energy are ones most of us can relate to - I know I can BIG TIME.

I tried to make it clear that I understand you are not beating or hitting the dog - swatting to a human is a very different thing.

Seen from a dog's point of view it is physical retribution and that is reserved in a canine pack for only the most severe wrongdoing. A weak pack leader will constantly "swat" at those under it in status to reinforce it's position. Other pack members recognise this as a weak leader and will not take direction from that leader. They will begin to make independant decisions about their role in the pack and the responsibilities they can not trust the leader with.

The method you are using now is clearly giving no results, it obviouly frustrates you and you seem to know that there must be another method of doing it. While this is stressful for you it is also an opportunity.

I do not think that you are a cruel person or bad in any way but I do think that many trainers fail to keep in touch with behaviour research and so do not take advantage of new findings. The training methods you describe are at least forty years old.
Us behaviourists and psychologists do work...well...sometimes we do....honest...and an awful lot has been learned about canine communication, canine origins, canine-human interaction and a great array of issues that have significant implications for pet owners and trainers.

You very clearly care deeply for your dog and want to do the best for her.

It is up to you to learn, to think about what you learn and to decide if you agree or not.

Everything new takes time to practice, time to reap results and time for confidence to build.

You are not bad and nobody here thinks that -

Christmas is on the way....my main suggestion for an easily understandable first step that has some great practical suggestions to get results is Jan Fennel. She has a book out - I believe it is called The Dog Listener - and is ideal for an introduction into canine thinking. Drop enough hints and you may just get lucky.....(I think you can get it on Amazon.com)
(One word of warning....like everything, it claims to be the "new thinking", the "new way" - it isn't. She is a very clever lady that figured it out on her own...but there are others out here that have been doing the same or very similar long before her book arrived on the scene!!!!!!)