Julie I know that feeling so very well. We think we're ready for the end and then when it happens, we discover that we're not - that's so very human and normal. I had been taking care of a very sick Goldie for over three months when I had to put her down. My heart and my home felt so empty; I felt lost. I felt like I had nothing to do and no warm purring cat to do it with. Actually, I did have a lot to do - the first weekend I shampooed the carpets in my apartment and cleaned - she'd had diarrhea her last few months and it was hard to keep up with the cleaning while she was alive and very sick. So I kept busy and cleaned while crying.

It took me months to be able to put together a photo album of all of Goldie's pictures. I kept them out on my coffee table and looked at them often until I finally put them in an album. Many of them are tear-stained, but that's okay. I loved her so very much. I didn't have a digital while she was alive, and was shocked to discover that I had fewer than 100 pictures of her, each one is so special and is finally in an appropriate album.

Julie, it will hurt for a while and you will never forget her. You did the best you could do. When you get her ashes, put them in a special place. Don't beat yourself up for taking her to the vet - you did the right thing. Be gentle with yourself.