Rules For Buying Gifts For Men




Rule #1:
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does
not matter if he already has one. I have a friend
who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man,
you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him
anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words.
"Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. By-the-way, are you through
with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.


Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything
for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle
of de-icer, or something to hang from his rear
view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.


Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And
never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God
had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't
have invented Jockey shorts.


Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace
the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot
of money buy your man a big-screen TV with PIP.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.


Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.
If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.
Real men drink whiskey or beer.


Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of
after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink
- they are earthy.


Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels
absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers.
Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.


Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly
required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day
and he will always have parts left over.


Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron
Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley
RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts
and Sears' Clearance Centers< are also excellent
men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know
what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something
I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."


Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but
they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with
a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks.
"Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"


Rule #12:
Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However,
he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective
of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.


Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love
a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to
Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.


Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an
aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a
step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.
No one knows why.


Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says
love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.
No one knows why.