Aly, I am so sorry. Please don't torture yourself like this. Know that you are doing the right thing, the best thing for Peka.

I went through the same thing with my beloved RB Pepper - a black toy poodle. He was so sick and I kept him on painkillers for longer than I should have (mainly to wait till my mother got back from a trip to Germany so she could say goodbye). Anyway, I remember waiting that day as the hours went by till the appointment. I almost went insane and made myself miserable. Don't do it to yourself.

I'm sending you all the hugs and support I can. You are a wonderful person and this is just another way you can help Peka.