I'm not going to yell, it sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place.

I have a different take on it. I am very sensitive to my animals' needs, and I think not spaying or neutering is crueler than doing it. Leaving an animal intact to experience going through a heat is very unpleasant for them- especially if the animal can't breed and relieve the discomfort. When an animal is in heat, all they think about is breeding, and I think it is very cruel to make them go through that and suffer.

When I got Abby she was in heat and it was pure torture to watch her go through it until I could bring her in to get spayed. Cats will stay in heat a long time, and they are very loud and demanding during that time. I didn't get a full night's sleep until she had been spayed. After the surgery, she became the nicest, loving pet. So that is my opinion.