10.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
11.) Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”… The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes!”
12.) How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? … Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
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13.) What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.
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14.) The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. … Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.
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15.) There are two types of people in this world:… Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
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16.) An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. … But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
17.) A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage…. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
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18.) Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.
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19.) I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.
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