Some declawed kitties still have pain in their paws if the procedure was not correctly done. Definitely get the cat to a different vet - the cat is obviously very stressed about something, likely in pain (which is a common reason for 'lashing out') and may need some medical intervention for something, which it doesn't sound like that vet considered. If he is not willing to work with the cat, perhaps he should look up a cat behaviorist local to him, and see if that person has any recommendations, or is willing to take the cat. I can guarantee kitty knows his wife hates her, why does she? Is there jealousy at work? Who came first, wife or kitty? There are many, many factors likely at work here, and pretty much any cat might seem "neurotic" in that situation.