I know it's heartbreaking honey. Old age and death are as natural as life. Coping with the cost and sadness however is to dig deep. Aww, so sorry you are going through this, it is unavoidable unfortunately. A lot of us truly know about the cost, and the agony When I had to put Shadowman down, the vet literally phoned me at home and insisted it was time. When I got there I took him back to the car and told my husband NO WAY. No, not today. Well I'm strong, really no drama queen, but he sent the vet out to tell me it was the humane thing to do and that his heart was so damaged from a birth defect that it was a miracle he'd even lived till 14 yrs. old. He was one tough dude. My point is, they may put us through hell and drive us to the precipice of madness but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. At the end of the day, it was SO worth it and I'd do it all again in a nanosecond. Hang in there honey