My beloved, beautiful Tommy

[ChrisH]

Oh Chris, I don't think badly of you at all for looking for a new friend to adopt. I wish I could too but I already have the 2 girls and things have already been tight, I need to make sure I can keep meeting their needs so it is not the right time for me to try and add on more.

The memories of him hurt but it's that sudden illness, the last few hours of his life that haunt me so badly. Of seeing him there, wanting to see his chest rise and fall with breath and knowing it never would again. His eyes as he looked up into my face before I left the vet's office, touching my cheek with his nose. I had no idea it was the last time I'd see him alive. I wish I could have held him longer. His toys lay around here untouched. Like they are dead too. It's so torturous.

I have had losses previously, but none so suddenly and shockingly. I just feel horribly depressed. I look at the girls and for the first time see how they lack things that Tommy fulfilled for me. Isn't that horrible? I need to sit down and write a list of all their special features and quirks. I just wish I could go back to feeling numb again.

Oh, Jess, {{hugs}} of course you wouldn't even think of adopting another dog, and as for comparing your girls to Tommy, I think it is a most natural thing to do. I had 3 dogs once upon a time and each one had a different personality and the pain of the loss of each one caused was unique to them.

The sorrow that is bowing you down now is understandably so very hard to cope with, I'm sure the suddenness alone would lay any one of us lower than low in spirit. I only wish I could ease it for you in some way. Know I am here for you and you are in my prayers and thoughts. xxx