Our Tomas is in a lovely cedar box on the fireplace mantle. It is nice that his ashes are home, but it's not the same as having him here in the flesh. He was 21-years-old when he passed and my boyfriend had had him for all 21 years of his life. We still miss him, even though we love his new cats, Buddy and Mau Mau, just as much as we loved Tomas. I don't cry everyday anymore, Tomas has been gone about 18 months, but not a week goes by that I dont' cry some. It will get better, I promise you. Maybe having another baby to love and spoil will help. Maybe not. Only you can be the judge of that. My thoughts are with you and I hope you feel better very soon.