Dear New House,

Tonight will be our first night together. I promise to keep you clean if you promise to protect me and the ones I love. And please, please hurry up and let your pipes get "old." I can't stand the smell when I run the water.

Thanks.
T.

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Dear Electric Bill,

Please be kind.

Nervously,
T.

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Dear Friends,

I will be without internet for awhile. Hopefully, I'll be able to write/converse with you in a couple of months.

See ya soon,
T.