Many of us know what you are going through, the churning stomach, the waking in the night, the tears choking you when you are trying to eat, the ever-present worry, and we are here for you in spirit, and will be when the time comes.

I have also experienced feeding a cat with cancer and realizing all that nutrition was simply nourishing the tumor(s); it's so gut-wrenching because you are doing your best to help the cat fight the disease and it feels as though you are simply making the cancer stronger. I've also had to make the decision to take in a cat when they are still able and willing to eat, and, like you, I've wished that they would stop to make it easier for me. Both Ginger and Nougat ate the morning of the day I took them in, but I haven't felt the slightest guilt about helping them leave this world when I did.

Given the way you describe Barney now, in your place I would take him in tomorrow. After going through this many times, coping with all kinds of guilt and self-recriminations afterward, I've realized that the only time I feel guilt about euthanasia is when I've put it off until my cat is almost begging to die. These days, I'd rather help them leave while they can still enjoy the touch of my hand.

I always go with a sedative first so I can hold them and talk to them for as long as I want before the final shot. It's such a relief to see them relax as the pain and strain of illness leave them. I'm sure Barney will look at you with thankfulness and love as he's sedated.