Oh, Robin. I don't have anything to say that will take your pain away, or that will solve your problems but it's not for lack of want, that's for darn sure.

I don't know if you remember this, but my father and uncle both committed suicide within 2 years of each other. I am, to this day still going to therapy trying to cope with their deaths. I can totally understand that you're in pain, both physically and mentally, but it will get better. Please let your medication kick in. It seems terribly cruel that it takes so long for you to feel better, but you will. I know it's hard to think of your family when your hurting the way you are, but they love you. If you were to hurt yourself permanently (I don't want to use the "s" word again), your family would be devastated. And that's putting it lightly. They love you and only want to see you get well.

Secondly, again, easier said than done, but try not to react out of emotion. When you work yourself into a rage (which I'm sure we all do), try not to act on it. Count to 100, take deep breaths, hug the doggies, etc., just to get your mind off the rage for the moment. If you still feel the need to act after all that, then at least you know that you are either more calm, or at least thinking more clearly. I know I'm terribly emotional and can say/do very stupid things when I don't stop and think first.

I'm no therapist, by any stretch of the imagination. I am just a survivor of what my father and uncle have left us to deal with. It hurts and it hurts bad. Please take GOOD care of yourself. Vent here as often as you need to. You know we're here for you!