I have always thought you were pretty mature and level-headed, and I wasn't surprised that Butch became a major player in your life. I thought it was inappropriate for him, but, not for you. You are a young lady, not quite a child, not quite an adult, and you were/are totally struggling with WAY more than any young person should. I feel for you. You, and every young person, deserves more. You deserve total love and devotion from your parents, you should be first in their lives, and I can never understand any parent putting their romantic relationship ahead of their child. It hurts to know you are going through this.

Having said that, the only person that you need to forgive, or seek forgiveness from, is yourself. Not us. And, I don't see the need for you to forgive yourself, anyhow.

Just take CARE of yourself. Make sure your actions/choices are those that are best for YOU. Good luck.

Johanna