In my thinking a parent's job is to prepare their offspring to handle the challenges and responsibilities of the adult world. In my experience with the adult world there is no free ride and one is faced with the consequences of ones choices. In that respect, your husband should consider whether the current parenting he is implimenting is really doing these young adults any favors. Unless he is willing to continue with the current level of financial support for the rest of his life, he is far behind in the job of preparing them for *life*. Considering the possibility his own health is in jeapordy only adds another dimension to the problem.

Try to sit down and figure out between the two of you some basic house rules which must be adhered to and the consequences if they are not followed. If emotionally he is *defeated*, he needs to reach out for help from a family therapist. This situation seems to have been going on far too long and his health is obviously suffering. The status quo certainly doesn't appear to be working.