He sure is a smart dog.

I think in this case, drastic measures are needed. Since he disturbs the neighbors when you crate him, how about trying this.

Take him to doggy daycare and ask them to keep him in a crate for a couple of nights. He might get used to it if he has no choice. And when you bring him home, keep him in a crate next to your bed at night. Check with your vet about a sleep aid for him; or at least a relaxant of some sort.

I have to keep my dog on a leash tied to my bed so he won't wander at night, but at least he doesn't cause the trouble yours does. He has, however, chewed my headboard.

Maybe you can teach him to do the laundry and wash the dishes while you sleep