Quote Originally Posted by Cataholic
Exactly. It shouldn't be the only indicator. And, when all else is going right, it prolly isn't the only indicator.

I am single. By choice. And, I think I know why. I just see alot of 'settling for' type attitudes here. I am not into excusing other's behaviors, when I don't excuse my own. I wonder, for those that are more of the 'it isn't a big deal', or 'men are different' position, how things fare when YOU forget to do those little things...cooking, cleaning, remember his family's events, pressies for your kids, laundry, etc. How does that go over? How about if YOU "forgot" to remind him for the 20th time to get outta bed, its worktime would go over well.

Curiously wondering. I guess my point is, if I have a point, is there equality with the overlooking of 'faults' issue? (Equality not having a pure 50/50 meaning, of course, but, an equitable meaning)
it goes over fine. He doesn't expect me to remind him to do things. I am forgetful just as he is. If I forget and he happens to remember... GREAT. If he forgets and I remember... GREAT> If we both forget.... Oh Well. there will be other days. My husband never expects me to cook, clean, any of that stuff. I do it becuase I have the time. When I start working we will both be cleaning and cooking supper together. Of course we love cooking together. he sets his own alarm and is responsable for getting himself out of bed and off to work, and he has never had a problem yet. He ALWAYS does the laundry because he knows I hate doing the laundry. if the laundry isn't done on a certain day or certain time oh well, if I wanted it done a certain way I would do it myself. We don't EXPECT anything from each other except for unconditional love, respect, and honesty. Everything else doesn't matter.

We don't get angry at each other over such trivial things. it's all about personal responsibility. if he wanted something remembered he would ask me to remember (no big deal if I don't) AND we would write it everywhere and hope we don't forget. If he wants to get up at a certain time for work he sets his alarm clock. If I want something specific I ask for it, I don't expect him to know. and we ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS say Please and Thank you to each other. even for trivial things like getting me a pop when he is in the kitchen. I always ask if he would mind getting me a pop please, he says sure thing and I say thank you. I finish making the sandwiches while he is doing laundry he always says thank you. Don't take your partner for granted, if you MUST argue then argue about things that are really important (if there is such a thing). We never fight, it's just not worth it. it is not worth it to waste a day being angry at him (or vice versa) because he didn't put the groceries away or because I didnt clean the kitchen.

If being with someone who loves me and respects me is settling then so be it. I have been in crappy relationship after crappy relationship. My husband is one of the greatest men I have ever known. If not getting material things means I am settling then so be it. Getting a car for your birthday doesnt' show how much he loves you... it just shows that your love can be bought.