Jen, please don't feel so bad, feeling like that and putting yourself down when you are struggling with grief is not good for you.
I also have never had a best friend in my life, though I now have my boyfriend who is my best friend and we do everything together.
But other than that I've never had a best friend not even when I was a kid properly..
Please don't feel so bad, you are not alone...
If you ever want to chat you can PM me or find me on MSN messenger, my email address is [email protected] if you ever wanna chat...