CHRISTMAS PARTY

Festivity Level 1: Your guest are chatting amiably with
each other,admiring your Christmas Tree ornaments,singing
carols around the upright piano,sipping at their drinks and
nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly--sometimes
to each other,and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging
your Christmas-tree ornaments,singing "I gotta be me"
around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing
down hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with
inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction",
gulping down other people's drinks,wolfing down Christmas
tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright
piano to see what happens when the little hammers
strike.
Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all
over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance
around the burning Christmas tree...The piano is missing.

You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3,
unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which
case you can go to level 4. The best way to level 3 is
egg-nog.