I'm laughing hard, Maya & Inka's Mom!!!

How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Have Children

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind couch and leave it there all summer.

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Try stuffing it into a small net bag, making sure that all the appendages stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. Still not on your last nerve? Try this:

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these until 4:00 am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

Automobile Test: Forget the BMW and buy an SUV or van. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove box. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD or cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides ot the vehicle. There . . . perfect!

Physical Test (women): Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove about 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Proceed to the nearest food store or toy store, whichever is closest. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it uninterrupted for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their skills regarding discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and the child's table manners. Suggest some ways they might improve. Emphasize that they should never allow their kids to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.