Need some advice

[DoggiesAreTheBest]

I agree that pictures are the only thing you should let her have. Ask to be left anonymous. No address, no name, no phone numbers. Make sure the pictures you send do not have any distinct objects that could identify your home (like car license paltes, mailbox number, apartment complex name, etc..)

Seeing this woman is not going to be good for Lolly. It doesn't matter whether or not that woman abused her or not, she was there when Lolly was abused. It doesnt matter whether or not the lady was living in a hell of her own and really couldnt do anything to help her. Lolly doesnt know that.

Good luck in your decision.

[ilovehounds]

Aly from personal experience I wouldn't let her see Lolly.

A dog doesn't forget and seeing this women again could be very scary and stressfull for her.

The man I took Copper from came to our house one day (he phoned wanting some of my ducks,didn't tell me he was the man I got Copper from, he didn't get my ducks either) and as soon as he stepped foot in our yard Copper went nuts, howling and growling, showing his teeth. Then he went running to the barn and didn't come back out untill 3 hours after the man had left. When he did come out he acted scared and nervous.

I would just show her pics. She had her chance to love Lolly and didn't take it, I'd say it's to late now.

[AdoreMyDogs]

Aly, I agree with everyone here 100% That woman may have loved Lolly but she has no right whatsoever to ever see her again. In my opinin, she does not deserve to since she let her get abused all those years and didn't put a stop to it. Becides it will probablly confuse Lolly, as even though Lolly was abused, I am sure she will still love that woman, and it may be hard for Lolly to see her past family again. Pictures are good, email is good, but please don't feel that you need to let Lolly associate with that woman again. That just dosen't sound healthy to me. I do understand your mixed feelings though. It is a very confusing situation to be in.

[Stenograsaurus]

Oh, Aly, what a position to be put in. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. I think that sending a few pictures and maybe a letter explaining what a great life Lolly has now would be enough to satisify the curiosity of the previous "owner". I, fortunately, have never had to live in a situation where I was in fear of an abuser. I have no idea what kind of life the previous owner had lived or what she was put through by the hands of her abuser. I do know that abusers will do anything they can to hurt you and that includes hurting things that you love and things that mean the most to you. I can't judge her over abandoning the dogs because I don't know her situation. Maybe she only had the opportunity to save herself. Maybe she was planning on going back and saving the dogs when she got strong enough. (Can you tell I try to find the good in everything?) Maybe talk to your supervisor and see if she can answer some questions for you. I would give the stuff to the supervisor to pass it along if you are comfortable with that. Again, Lolly is yours!!! The lady has no rights to her. She gave them up, regardless of the circumstances behind it. I would explain to the previous owner that you think it would be too confusing for Lolly right now and you'd let her know when you felt Lolly was strong enough (emotionally) to handle a visit. That leaves it completely up to you. This does not mean you have to let a visit happen. You might decide that Lolly is never strong enough. If she keeps hassling you through your supervisor, remind her that you said you would inform her when Lolly is ready. Stay strong, here. I know you can. We're all behind you.

[ November 01, 2001: Message edited by: Stenograsaurus ]

[Dixieland Dancer]

ALY, I guess me and Mugsy are in a boat all of our own. NO PICTURES, NO EMAIL, NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER! Not only is this best for Lolly and you but it is actually best for the woman too! She needs to forget YOUR precious Lolly and get on with her life without pictures or anything.

As for being scared, you have legal possession of the dog. And from what I know possession in 9/10ths of the law. Unless the dog was stolen from her and she has permanent identification on Lolly (ie: microchip or tattoo) she has no claim.

If you need to do anything (and this is only to make you feel better, not the woman) then tell the shelter supervisor to tell the women that the dog is doing good in a loving home and that the home wishes no contact. It will be easier on you too in the long run!

I am sorry you have to deal with this. You don't deserve it. You have done nothing but open your loving heart to give a needed dog a happy and loving home. Give Lolly an extra few hugs to make you feel better!

[RachelJ]

Dixie, read my post again, I think you can count me in with you and Mugsy. I really don't think this is being mean either. Most people who give up a dog, don't have the advantage of knowing the dog is loved and cared for and thriving under that care. Period. Aly, I'm somewhat surprised your supervisor would even suggest you consider this option.

[ November 01, 2001: Message edited by: RachelJ ]

[Dixieland Dancer]

Rachel, Thanks for setting me straight on your post, It's nice to have you in my boat too! I am also shocked that the supervisor is suggesting this. I would not give this woman a second of the day or a second thought! Lolly has no ties with her now and that's the way it should stay! And I wouldn't feel bad or like I was being mean about it either. I would look at it as protecting my heart and my baby. After all you opened your heart to give Lolly a new and wonderful home and that's more than Lolly got in the old home! YOU OWE HER NOTHING!!!!!

[Albea]

Aly:
I agree with everybody's advice and have one more thing to say. Don't let anybody, at the shelter or the woman who gave up Lolly, send you on a "guilt trip." Because you are such a nice and caring person, you may feel sorry for that person. But you don't have anything to feel guilty about if you refuse any contact with the former owner. You gave the pup a loving home, now she is your baby and you would'n want anything to stress her and bring back bad memories.
Let us know how you solved this problem.

[shais_mom]

At first I was thinking let her see pics, but the more I think about it I don't think that is a good idea either.
Lolly definatley does not need to see her at all. I don't necessarily agree with that this lady didn't love her, I just think she was in a rock and a hard place and couldn't do anything about it, kinda like my Kylie's situation, but Kylie sees her old mamma occassionally, with no ill effects, but she does fear the boyfriend when he came over once when I was on vacation and Jodi fed her for me. But Kylie wasn't traumatized like Lolly was. I have never been in an abusive situation either so I can' speak for Lolly's former owner.
It would be different I think if she wasn't abused and had to give her up b/c of an illness or something, but I agree don't let her see her. Tell your supervisor its not a good idea and she should know better(don't tell her that!!)
My sister's dog, Scooby Doo, is just over 2 1/2, she got him in June before I got Shaianne and he was 6 mos old. To this day he still submissive pees, is absolutely TERRIFIED of my dad, and my dad has never done anything to him, he was scared of him the first day he saw him. Otherwise, he loves people men and women and children alike, except my dad. When my dad walks into the room you can see the look on his face saying "Where do I go" It was especially challenging this past weekend when my parents watched my nephews and Scoony and Scooby peed 7times on my mom's carpet. Now remember my mother, God love her, doesn't get excited about having a dog in the house, she didn't mind Shai b/c she knew her manners and instintively knew what I wanted. She also has said that my new puppy isn't allowed on her carpet until she is potty trained. Which is fine its her carpet!! My poor mom was sooooooo stressed out. I told her the next time they go away which is like once a year, I said I would take Scooby to my house and my mom said "No, this is the least I can do, I don't like it, but I can deal with it."
I tried to argue but she wouldn't have it.
She didn't say anything to my sis about his accidents, but I think she should have b/c he could have an infection or something.
I also think that this poor dog had the h*ll beat out of him as a puppy which is why is soooo afraid of my dad and the whole peeing thing. My nickname for the poor thing is the Peeing Machine!!
Well I digress, I don't think that Lolly should see her former owner!!! She is in the best situation now and is healing very slowing and you don't want any regressions!!!
Keep us posted!

[aly]

THANK YOU so much everyone. You guys helped me see the situation a lot more clearly. My emotions were clouding my view so I wanted to know what you all thought about it.

The thing that was getting me was I was afraid I was jumping to conclusions about the woman. I kept thinking what if she was abused even more than the dogs and what if she tried to save the dogs? Well, it went on for 5+ years (Lolly's mom is 7, bet it went on for 7 years or more) and if she couldn't notice or help the dogs' abuse in that time, she must not have really tried. If I was being abused, I would get the animals out after the first incident.

Well I decided to ask my supervisor a few questions about the woman. Although she doesn't know her TOO well I think (its her chiropractor's secretary). I'm going to tell her to tell the woman that Lolly is doing excellent and recovering from her trauma beautifully. I will hold off on the pictures and definately not allow a visit.

Thanks guys, I knew I could count on you all

[Golden Smiles]

I wouldn't let her see that little girl for ANYTHING!!!! She's lucky you'll let her see pix!! I think it would be terrible for Lolly to have to even smell her!!!

[Stenograsaurus]

Aly, I knew you'd come up with what felt right for you. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable doing. I think you came up with an excellent solution. Hopefully the former "owner" will accept that and go on with her life and you guys can go on with yours.

[purrley]

Aly - I posted in late on this topic and you've probably already made your decision and I hope it's like everyone seems to agree that your Lolly should not have any contact with this lady. This lady needs to just move on - the dog is in wonderful hands - I don't even think she needs to see pictures. I'm sure you've made the right decision. I don't understand why this lady wants to make things harder on herself anyway.

[sammi]

Are me and Lizbud the only ones who think a picture MIGHT be ok? You guys are kinda hard nosed about this. (take this in good humor) I would not want you in the jury box if I was up on the stand!!!!!!

[ramanth]

I'm sort of mixed on a pic or not. But I would definately not let the woman see Lolly in person. That would be too much for the poor dear.

I'm just shocked the supervisor had the gall to ask you if the woman could see Lolly. Did he not know your poor babies background!?!? She should of known better and just told the woman that Lolly is fine and happy in her new home.

That's all the woman needs to know.

Sorta on subject..... a few days after I adopted Kia, I was at the park with my parents and my baby girl. Someone walked by and asked. "Is that Kia!?" My heart leapt in shock. For a moment my mother thought it was the previous owners. Turns out it was a woman who worked at the shelter where I adopted her from.

For a moment I thought the woman was going to demand I give her dog back.

~Kimmy