Barney is an Angel Now.

[Emeraldgreen]

I had basically written all of the replies to everyone's posts a few days ago and right when I was about to hit 'submit reply' we lost power! I had just finished PM'ing MoonandBean and wrote in my PM that the wind was really kicking up and we might lose power. 5 minutes later, lights out!
I want to respond to everybody's posts first and then add an update at the end. Barney hasn't been doing all that great these past few days and I have to make a decision.

Slick wrote:

OK, I'm supposed to be working but you could shoot a cannon through here so I decided to catch up on this thread and read the last couple of weeks worth of posts.
I'm at a loss for words. LES.....major LES...the videos put me over the edge. I have tears streaming down my face. How do you do it??? I don't think I could ever be as strong as you. You have done so much for this little guy....no little kitty could ever ask for more. Thanks to you he's warm and dry with a full tummy, getting the vet care he needs and giving and receiving as much love as his little heart can handle.

Thanks Slick. I appreciate that but I'm sure if Barney showed up at your house, we'd be watching your home videos of him. He has a way about him and you just can't say no.

Awww...how sweet! That's a lot of snow! I'm glad we got to see your puppies! As always it is so nice to see Barney! I noticed what you had been saying about his legs while he was eating. I love seeing him follow you from room to room. THANKS for all you've done and for sharing him with us!

The dogs love the snow but we don't leave them out in it for more than 45 minutes because Muddy is getting to be an old guy and the cold is kind of hard on him and his legs. We take them out about 10 times a day though, it's a revolving door!

kb2yjx wrote:

Lara!! I do not think that you convinced Barney that the dogs mean no harm!!! Barney seems very happy and content!!! GREAT JOB!!!

No, I don't think there is any convincing him! Angela told me that he was often chased by the large dog that lives at the property where Barney used to hang out.

3catcondo wrote:

Lara,
I think he's looks good! I did see his poor leg going out from under him when he was eating or drinking, but I think he's still getting around great. I hope you, Scott and all of your furbabies had a great Christmas!

Yes, his legs slide out from under him in the bathroom. I've got it mostly covered in little carpets but he does slide on a bit of it.

Purr_Tender wrote:

That was very enjoyable. It's nice you had a white Christmas, that always makes it a little more special. Smart dogs, they know where it's nice and warm. Barney looked wonderful wandering around. That was a great Christmas present for me.
A very merry Christmas to you and Scott and all your fur babies, especially Barney! Mary

I know! Those rascal dogs, they were like "see ya later, we're going inside, YOU can play in the snow if you want, we've already been out here from 40+ minutes!!"

Catty1 wrote:

Barney looks happy and comfy - can just go to his food dish and EAT, which is something he didn't do for a very very long time.
In that one part of the video - can he HEAR the dogs? Maybe he senses a vibration?
Great to see dear Barney...please give him gentle hugs for me.
You're still giving him the immune stuff that Angela had? I do hope for a miracle...but as I said before, right now is a miracle for him to be inside, loved, warm and fed - not necessarily in that order!

I don't think he can hear the dogs but as you said, I'm sure he feels the vibrations because just on the other side of the door, Finnie is doing his regular prancy gazelle jumps. He jumps 4-5 feet in the air, kind of like a jack russell. I think it's his basenji side that allows him to do this.
And Barney can also see the dogs. That door has smoked glass and around the edges it's clear. If you watch the video again and look at the door, you'll see Finnigan looking at Barney. That is what had Barney frozen in his tracks. They are very good with cats though and LOVE them. They would be very gentle with Barney but I don't think Barney would like it much so I won't try.

I do give Barney the Immunocal stuff but he is no longer very fond of the food when I mix it in and he's been losing quite a bit of weight so I've been backing off it to make sure he eats. I should weigh him, I think he must be less than 4 pounds now.

KittyKatharine wrote:

Merry Christmas to all your family, and of course Barney!!! He looked so comfortable in your house. What a beautiful little guy. It just fills my heart with warmth to know how much you have helped him and how much of a difference you have made in his life!

Thanks Katharine.

Momtomany wrote:

Thank you Lara and Scott for taking such good care of Barney and giving him a warm wonderful Christmas. I loved watching him follow you around. You can tell how much he loves you. One of my prayers for the coming year is that you two will be blessed from God above for the love, care and compassion you have given Barney. I hope your Christmas was wonderful and the coming New Year Blessed.

Thank you so much for making such a kind prayer. Maybe Barney is the blessing!

Medusa wrote:

As Barney walked around your lovely home I could almost hear his thoughts "Wow, I went from a pauper to a king! Look at this palace! Am I lucky or what?" So much snow outside, Lara! I can imagine how glad you must be that he's indoors now, safe and warm and soaking up so much love from you and Scott. Again, thank you. You made my Christmas.

Thanks Mary, I wish I could let him walk around all the time but each time that I let him out, I have to make sure no other cats are around. He's funny though, he tends to head back to 'his room' after 10 minutes or so. I think he feels like it is his den. It's also really warm there and the rest of the house is quite drafty unless you're right next to the fire.


Pomtzu wrote:

Loved the video of "The Barn" (if Trump can be "The Donald", then Barney can be "The Barn"!) wandering around FREE!!! He's found heaven on earth and is "the cat loved round the world"! I couldn't help but wonder what caught his attention when he was looking so intently at the door. Maybe he was thinking "I'm NEVER going to have to be on the other side of that again. Happy-happy-joy-joy!"

The Barn! I love it. Well, the Barn was intently looking at Finnigan who was on the other side of the door which leads to the dog's room. It's hard to see Finnigan but he is looking through the glass of the door at Barney and Barney is looking right back at him. lol

Randi wrote:

My Christmas is SO much better, knowing that Barney is inside his new found Palace. He really seem to enjoy being able to move around a bit and the warmth must be heaven for him.
You really got a lot of snow, didn't you! It looks wonderful, and I'm glad the dogs are enjoying it. Lots of kisses to Barney and hugs to you!

Yes, he is a much happier boy to be inside. I had to go out to the shop today to grab something and I just shuddered when I went in there. So cold and depressing. His cage is still in there and I just couldn't imagine him in there again. He needs to be warm and cozy at the very least.

Jenn_Librarian wrote:

Holy cow that is a lot of snow!! Glad I'm not the one shoveling it, lol! The puppers looked like they were enjoying playing in it, lol. Muddy had snow all over the top of his fur, silly boy!

Barney looked like he really enjoyed being able to just wander around and follow you. He could go to his room if he wanted, he followed you through the house. His little face just warms the heart!

I saw that little leg slide out from under him while he was eating. Does it do that all the time, or only on tile where it's more smooth? My Calloway has a back leg that was injured and he will sit on a window sill and let the one leg hang down while he's there instead of sitting with both of them up on the sill. Not sure if there's less control there, but maybe that's part of Barney's problem as well? Maybe he had been injured at some point in the past, and that's a weak spot for him?

I know, Muddy was covered in so much snow!! He looked liked like a sled dog! But we had just had a bunch of snow fall before I filmed and actually while I was filming but for some reason you can't really see the flakes falling. My camera was getting all wet though!
Both of Barney's legs seem to slip out from under him when he's on that floor but it might also be due to some prior injuries. He might have been hit by a car in the past because he had that broken rib too.

krazyaboutkatz wrote:

You sure did get some snow and it looks so cold outside. I'm so glad that Barney is now warm and safe in your home. I hope he'll continue to do well. Merry Christmas Barney, Lara, and Scott.

He's definitely warm and safe but I do wish he was doing well. The last couple of days he has changed. The tumor behind his right ear that joins up with the tumor on his neck has grown ALOT! I took some pictures of it and it's really changed. It's now about the size of a third of a golf ball and it is causing him some real discomfort. His other ear is really bugging him too and the antibiotics are not doing much to help.

He spends alot of time now in this position that is not sitting up but not laying down either. It's somewhere in between and it is clear that he is in pain. When he gets into this position, he'll stay there for 10 minutes at a time. I don't know how he does it because it looks like it would be harder to do than just laying down. He holds his elbows up. It's hard to explain so I video taped him doing it this evening and will post it along with some pics below.

His right eye often has a bit of the third eye coming up and I think it is because the tumor is pressing on his eye. His eyes aren't full of hope anymore, he looks depressed. And he just keeps losing weight, he is so skinny now, I can feel every vertebrae (spelling??) on his spine.
And he is peeing more and more on the floor and less in the box. I don't mind cleaning it up at all but what happens is, he gets in the box like a good boy but then sticks his bum over the side and pees on the floor. Then with litter stuck to his feet, he steps in the pee and it becomes like glue on his pads. Every day I try to clean his feet and he hates it and gets so angry with me because I think it hurts. So today, I gave him a bath and gently washed his feet and then removed all the litter from his box. I know he's going to be confused by this but I'm hoping he still goes in there and does his poops (which he does manage to keep in the box) and if he pees over the edge, he won't have any litter on his feet when he steps out. I clean up after him about 5 times a day so the box will always be clean for him.
But, this is no way to live. I wouldn't say that if he were alert and eager the way he was before but now he is living like this and is depressed and in pain and I can't let it go on for too much longer.
I was trying to figure out tonight if I should take him to the vet tomorrow to let him go but I do want to have a few more days with him. My worry though is that I have to work all day on Wednesday and then the vet will be closed on Thursday and then I work all day Friday and Saturday and the vet is closed on Sunday. But I do know that my boss will let me leave a few hours early on Friday afternoon if I needed to take him in so that is what I am thinking. And if for some reason he rallies and seems to be doing okay again and isn't in pain, then maybe I can wait.

I have always said that I'll let him tell me when it's time and it does seem that he is telling me. But I want to be sure so I will wait until Friday and see how he is.

I'm sorry this post isn't a happy one but in the end, Barney is what is important and if he is hurting, then I have to help him. But I promise, I will make sure that is what is going on with him before I do anything. And I will make every moment as good as I can for him until then.

p.s. All the pics of him are in the following post because I had too many pics, vids and emicons in this one post.

[Emeraldgreen]

Some pics:

This pic shows how he is sitting without his elbows touching. He won't sit up and he won't lay down. It looks so uncomfortable and he'll stay like this for a long time. He does sleep in his bed but when he isn't in bed or isn't eating this is what he is doing.












After his bath tonight.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Lara,I'm so sorry to hear that Barney isn't doing well. I'm sure that he'll let you know when it's time. At least he's known what it's like to be loved, cared for, and even an indoor cat. You've done so much for him but it seems like his little body is just giving up. He remains in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Purr-tender]

This is a very difficult time. We have all hoped and prayed that Barney would miraculously get well and be this contented old, lap cat. It is very obvious now that is not to be. I am so sorry for you, Lara. We are all madly in love with that sweet boy, but you are the one who has been there each day with him. You have given him so much!! When the time comes please don't second guess yourself. Just know that no matter what, I trust your judgement completely. You have always done what was best for him.

Tears, prayers and gentle hugs for you and dear Barney,
Mary

[Scooter's Mom]

I can only say what everyone else has. No matter how much we have fallen in love with Barney, you're the one who has physically been there for him. When you feel his quality of life has reached the point where it has been surpasssed by pain and depression, you'll do what you have to do.

Thank you for always sharing sweet Barney with us. I've never loved a kitty from afar as much as I have loved Barney Boy. Thank you for giving him love and shelter and the generosity of your kind spirit.

Hugs,
crystal

[pomtzu]

Oh Lara - major LES here! My heart just aches for Barney and for you as well. It's obvious from his video that he is fading, and he does appear to be quite miserable. The only saving grace here is that he still continues to eat. What a little fighter he has been.
I know that you are are torn between wanting him with you for a while longer, and letting him go. I think that all of us with fur kids have faced that same situation at some time in our lives. I don't have any doubt that you'll know when the time is finally here, and that you'll help Barney on to RB. My prayers are with you and Barney - for Barney to have a peaceful journey and final sleep, and for you to be strong!
Hugs to you both, and please give Barney a gentle little kiss from me on the top of his sweet little head!

[Pinot's Mom]

I think the quote on the bottom of Pomtzu's post says it all:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop, on what day, or what hour.
Now is the only time you have, so live it with a will
Don't wait until tomorrow - the hands may then be still."
You have "lived with a will" with Barney and I think he's loved you for it every step of the way. This decision is heart wrenching, but you know in your heart what is best for Barney. He does, too.

Thank you for sharing him with us and know that God will be with you both to guide sweet Barney where he needs to go, to guide you in your decision, and to heal your heart in love. You have no regrets; you've been a wonderful and caring mom to Barney. Bless you!

[Randi]

LES here. It's heartbreaking to see Barney in the state he is in now. He is standing there, not knowing what to do, and not enjoying life. I'm feeling SO sad. How I wish he could speak up and let you know what he wants you to do.

He has been fighting very hard to survive, but now, with all his issues and his old age, I think he's about to give up. He has definately enjoyed your care, and taking him inside was the best that could happen for him. He must have thought he had died and gone to heaven.

I know it's a very hard decision you now have to make, but I do believe that Barney will want you to let him go. You, and all of us will miss him very much, but knowing he has been cared for and had so much love in the past few months is a little comfort.

Until we all have to say Goodbye to Barney, is it possible for you to give him some painkillers, so he at least is not in pain? That is my main concern now. I would hate to think Barney entering 2009 in pain.

I'm sending lots of kisses and positive thoughts to Barney, and big hugs to you.

[ramanth]

Poor old guy. I'm sorry to hear that Barney isn't feeling well. He knows you love him though and he knows you'll do what you feel is best. At least someone cared for him and that was you.

[Lizzie]

I find it harder to let them go when they have had a very hard life and only a brief period when you have been able to make a huge difference in their quality of life. You want to rail against fate because they are finally in a place where they are appreciated, loved, comfortable, where they should have been long ago, and then the time is cut so very short. I let my Ginger go a few weeks ago, just as the bad weather started to hit our area. Like you, I was concerned about getting to the vet with holiday closures. However, Ginger was 22-1/2 and had had a very comfortable life. Her body was totally worn out from gracious living. Letting her go a few days earlier than might have been necessary gave me few qualms because there was no feeling that I was short-changing her. With Dagda, a few months ago, my feelings were very different because after ten years in a shelter's very crowded conditions, he'd had only 18 months with me. It seemed so damned unfair. I wanted to give him so much more time on sunny decks, in cushy armchairs, cuddled into my stomach at night, but Mother Nature wouldn't allow it. Like Barney, towards the end he seemed to choose the most uncomfortable ways to rest, lying on hard surfaces and rarely closing his eyes. Does Barney still sleep, really sleep? I waited a little longer than I should have with Dagda, he was telling me how uncomfortable and tired he was but as long as he would get up and come to me for a cuddle, I just couldn't let go. He didn't really get much pleasure from those cuddles, not enough to balance out how rotten he felt the rest of the time, it was me I was giving the extra time to.

As everyone else has said, thank you for taking in Barney and giving him the best quality of life you possibly could and for as long as anyone could. And, thank you for sharing Barney with all of us, we have appreciated it (even though my boss just walked into my office and found me with tears in my eyes!)

[Emeraldgreen]

I find it harder to let them go when they have had a very hard life and only a brief period when you have been able to make a huge difference in their quality of life. You want to rail against fate because they are finally in a place where they are appreciated, loved, comfortable, where they should have been long ago, and then the time is cut so very short. I let my Ginger go a few weeks ago, just as the bad weather started to hit our area. Like you, I was concerned about getting to the vet with holiday closures. However, Ginger was 22-1/2 and had had a very comfortable life. Her body was totally worn out from gracious living. Letting her go a few days earlier than might have been necessary gave me few qualms because there was no feeling that I was short-changing her. With Dagda, a few months ago, my feelings were very different because after ten years in a shelter's very crowded conditions, he'd had only 18 months with me. It seemed so damned unfair. I wanted to give him so much more time on sunny decks, in cushy armchairs, cuddled into my stomach at night, but Mother Nature wouldn't allow it. Like Barney, towards the end he seemed to choose the most uncomfortable ways to rest, lying on hard surfaces and rarely closing his eyes. Does Barney still sleep, really sleep? I waited a little longer than I should have with Dagda, he was telling me how uncomfortable and tired he was but as long as he would get up and come to me for a cuddle, I just couldn't let go. He didn't really get much pleasure from those cuddles, not enough to balance out how rotten he felt the rest of the time, it was me I was giving the extra time to.

As everyone else has said, thank you for taking in Barney and giving him the best quality of life you possibly could and for as long as anyone could. And, thank you for sharing Barney with all of us, we have appreciated it (even though my boss just walked into my office and found me with tears in my eyes!)

You have completely summed up exactly what I'm feeling and I'm sorry to hear about Ginger and Dagda. Before I logged on my husband spoke with me and said he was concerned what the animal hospital staff was going to think when I brought Barney in, later rather than sooner and in a condition that is so frail. He said "they're going to think you're some crazy cat lady who won't let go". I was in tears. I still am. I'm not that person and I love animals so much and only want to help them.

I started to think about what I might say to the vet so she didn't think that of me. How could I explain it? I was trying to understand it myself. And I thought of exactly what you wrote Lizzie. His time as a cat who has known love and warmth and security has been so short in comparison to the 10+ years without it that I just wanted to give him every extra day that I could. I want more time to show him that he is valuable and important and that somebody cares about him. But just as you also wrote, it is now more for me than it is for him. I'm having such a hard time with this.

This morning I went in and he still greets me with his morning talk and hoarse meow meow meow, eagerly waiting for me to put his plate of food down. But he had peed in his bed (the first time he's done that since he's been with us) because he had filled up the bottom of his litter box with so much pee, he understandably did not want to step into it. I had taken the litter out because it was getting stuck to his paws and becoming like cement. But this is an experiment gone wrong. I cleaned up everything, gave him new bedding and put litter back in the box for him.

I've been trying to sort out what is the best thing to do and I think this will be my plan.
I will email Angela and tell her that I plan to let Barney go on Friday afternoon and invite her to come up if she wants to be there. She is a few hours away. I will go to the vet clinic today as we have to go to town anyway and tell them that I should have probably put Barney down weeks ago but I know it's time now and I want to give Angela a chance to be there so I will be waiting until Friday. And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

I'll also pick up a bag of the kitty litter that is in pellets so he has something in there but it won't stick to his feet.

I'll try and get some more footage of him. He doesn't always sit like that if he's got something to do, like walk around the house and stuff. He's not totally miserable but he's also not all that happy either.

Thank you all for your posts. Each one had me in tears. My turn for LES I guess since I've caused so much of it myself with all these posts about Barney.

[Purr-tender]

Your posts and videos of Barney have been so important to me. I appreciate that you take the time to respond to all of us and make us all feel so much a part of Barney's life with you. Even though we are many, many miles apart, in heart I am right there with both of you, believe me! Hopefully his vet can give you something to make him more comfortable. It would be wonderful if Angela can come and be with you Friday. I hope that Barney will feel all the love that we all have for him as he crosses that Bridge and that you, too, feel our arms wrapped around you.

Barney's Angel,
Mary

[Edwina's Secretary]

Every time I look at photos of Barney I think of the cat in the musical Cats...I do not know the name...the one who gets to go to Cat Heaven?

Perhaps that should be his theme song....precious boy...

[rg_girlca]

Your posts and videos of Barney have been so important to me. I appreciate that you take the time to respond to all of us and make us all feel so much a part of Barney's life with you. Even though we are many, many miles apart, in heart I am right there with both of you, believe me! Hopefully his vet can give you something to make him more comfortable. It would be wonderful if Angela can come and be with you Friday. I hope that Barney will feel all the love that we all have for him as he crosses that Bridge and that you, too, feel our arms wrapped around you.

My thoughts exactly.

Dear Lara;
This tough time will end. Just know in your heart that you won't be alone. We will all be there with you in spirit holding your hand. Bless you dear lady for giving precious Barney a chance of what life is really all about and thank you for what you are about to do, give him a peaceful passing. We will never forget what you have done for him and most of all, we will never forget our dear Barney.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[krazyaboutkatz]

I've been trying to sort out what is the best thing to do and I think this will be my plan.
I will email Angela and tell her that I plan to let Barney go on Friday afternoon and invite her to come up if she wants to be there. She is a few hours away. I will go to the vet clinic today as we have to go to town anyway and tell them that I should have probably put Barney down weeks ago but I know it's time now and I want to give Angela a chance to be there so I will be waiting until Friday. And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

I'll also pick up a bag of the kitty litter that is in pellets so he has something in there but it won't stick to his feet.

I'll try and get some more footage of him. He doesn't always sit like that if he's got something to do, like walk around the house and stuff. He's not totally miserable but he's also not all that happy either.

Thank you all for your posts. Each one had me in tears. My turn for LES I guess since I've caused so much of it myself with all these posts about Barney.

Lara, I think that this is an excellent plan even though it's going to be very difficult to let him go. Like Lorraine has said, you won't be alone during this difficult time and we'll all be with you in spirit and can provide lots of cyber hugs and emotional support. You're a very special lady and I want you to always remember that. Now I'm getting major LES. Please take care.(((HUGS)))